Online dating ... hazards and laughs

You will all remember that I dipped my big toe into the dating arena for a few mad-capped, ridiculous outings. Well, apparently, even after you have left the highly esteemed, Match.com..(which I have forever named it Match.ho) .your picture and profile live on.


Let me just tell you....If the guys that are still "Winking" and "Favorite"-ing me, are the big indicators for what is left out there....stick a fork in me...cause I'm done.

First, here's what I'd really like to say on my profile, and I may just do it to slow down the crazies, but here goes....

Slightly Awkward tallish woman seeks non-freak. If you feel compelled to have a picture on your profile of you either 1)standing on a beach wearing only a banana hammock, 2) decked out in camo standing in front of your jacked up 4 x 4, 3) same camo in front of your carcass you just bagged, 4) have 16 pictures of your harley, 5) have a plethora of pictures of yourself with other women, 6) have a picture of yourself dressed in a very tight cop suit, with the sleeves cut out, caressing a 45 on your cheek (oh, I so wish I was kidding on this one. In fact, you can thank this bozo for today's note)....7) have more mispelled words than correctly spelled words, or 8) have a picture of yourself in your cut out armhole redneck tshirt showing your bulging pecs AND biceps , 9) have a wide variety and assortment of your Pomeranian doggie, 10) have a lovely, greased handlebar mustache that compliments your pony tail, or 11) any combination of any of the above...... then, I'm probably NOT going to respond to your kind "WINK". That's just the way I roll.

Really, I look at the guys that are actually contacting me, and I just crawl under my bed, after sanitizing my hands from the computer screen oozing ick.

this is how they lure you in ... with ole Gabe. 

this is what's really out there.....super freak cop man. 

Anyway, I had to get it off my chest. Which, I could add, won't make you points, when you email me and tell me I have "nice knockers". Yep, that happened too. I wonder what would happen if I really DID have a subscription. OMG.

I'm destined to be single, I feel it in my bones. And that's ok by me. I know how cool I am .

Peace out.

Dropping the Mask of Pain

I have been very remiss in writing.  I sometimes believe that what I think, or what I am feeling is somehow encroaching on your time, or your emotions. I don't want to burden Laynie fans with sadness, or with pain. Here's what I remembered today at church, under the wonderful message from our campus pastor Miles... It's so easy when you are a child, and get hurt, to go run for help to your parents. As adults, we lose that sense of running for help. We bury it deep inside of ourselves, and put on a "Mask of Indifference". What I remembered today, is there is hope beyond the hurt.


I think what struck the chord in so many people about Laynie's journey, was that we never gave up hope. We knew going in that we were only given a small amount of time to garner every bit of wonder and goodness from this gift. We never took for granted one single day, that we would have the next day. It was truly a scriptural walk. God wants us to live "In the moment", building our faith, and our trust in Him, so that when the storms come, and they will come, we are so firmly planted, where I like to say, "In His pocket", that NOTHING, no matter how hard, or sad or desperate it is, God is there, and we can hear His voice through the pain.

I am OVER 2010. There has been so much loss, so much hurt, so much anger, and so much bitterness this year, that I am OVER it. I have had to watch my grandbaby die, I have had to suffer the loss of a job, from people I trusted with my very life, I've had to react to friends' dying, friends' parents dying, babies dying, car wrecks and loss of friendships. And the only constant thing I could count on through every single loss, was God's ever faithful presence. He never says He will keep that pain from coming, but what He does promise is that He will NEVER leave our side. And because of that promise, I have been able to walk through some very difficult days.

And it's really because I have trusted myself to write, and to be transparent in my "musings", that God has given me near total healing from the pain of loss. I know my writings aren't for everyone, but I know that there are many of you out there struggling with some sort of hurtful, painful situation right now. And with the pain of being broken myself, I can stand here before you today, and say, "God will never forsake or leave you, just keep walking the walk, and never, never, never, give up hope"

"Praise Be to God...the Father of compassion and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." 2 Corinthians 1:3-4.

Please know that if you are hurting, or experiencing a loss, you are NOT alone. Just reach out, and ask for help. Never, never, never, give up hope.  God's blesses you with losses to teach you compassion, and gives you healing so you can be strong for someone else.  I know this first hand. 

God is Good, all the time.

Life is Good

I am so proud of my children.   Lacey took an intership with Children's Miracle Network this past week and started her beginning with them with a BANG.   They had their annual radiothon this week, and we reflected over last year, when Laynie ended up in the hospital for what we know now, was the beginning to our ending.  Well, this year was very different.  In addition to hearing the "Laynie montage" over and over on KXY 96.1, Lacey talked several times on the radio and got to share A L O T about her walk and the enormity of the beauty.  Dan & Bill and Patti (the DJ's) all remembered Laynie (who could forget her?) and loved talking about her with Lacey.   I was on once, and was a big giant dork machine (which is what I do best), and thankfully the radio went silent during most of my spiel, so I didn't sound completely crazy.  It's funny how you KNOW what you want to say, and then when you actually GET UP THERE to say it, you just lose brain power.  That's my story, but it's sure not Lacey's.  She is amazing.

Now Kip, in her final two semesters of her 5 year architecture program.  In addition to going to school full time..She got not one, but 2 jobs this week.  Part time at a retail store at our mall, for the seasonal rush, and then the best and biggest blessing, she will be working with the Lymphoma/Leukemia Foundation, as a recruiter.   What an amazing job for her.  She will be able to share her story with hundreds of kids and teachers and rally them to do fundraisers in their school to support the Lymphoma/Leukemia Foundation.  (big ole smile from Mom, here).

And I can't forget Hallie, who is hauling in a 4.0 in middle school.  SHe loves to talk about Laynie, and has no problem telling anyone the story.

Could any of us have done this 3 years ago??  Boldly shared our faith and talked about God's mercy and love, to just about ANYONE that walks by??  I don't think so.  But we are different.  All because of a tiny little miracle that taught us all.

God is Good, all the time.

the "Meantime" matters....

I love church. We had a guest speaker... This 31 year old named Pastor Judah Smith, who strides up to the mic and proceeds to knock my proverbial socks off.


I have always lived in Fast Motion. I worry and think about "When this happens, or When that occurs, or When we get to that point", with very little time spent in the "Meantime". That all ended for me 36 months ago. Pastor Judah said that his father was diagnosed with Myeloma and told he would only live 3 years. That was 6 years ago. Some people live in the past "What happened, why this, why that?", some people fast forward to the "highlights" of their future. All we are given, and it took a tiny little miracle to teach it to me, is RIGHT NOW. The "Meantime".

It may not be exciting, or thrilling, or "highlight" worthy, but it's your life. The best day of your life. Even if you have a storm cloud chasing you around.... the beauty of those clouds are... "Storms don't last"... and after storms, usually beautiful clear skies and an occasional rainbow. If you are in a bleak and dark day...STAY THE COURSE.... Stay in the boat. What He started, He will finish. Stay in the boat.

I'm in a storm right now. A personal, overwhelming storm. And I am so insulated by all of it. That is God's mercy constantly shining on me to bring me hope, and lead me to the other side. He is Right In the Boat with Me. Praise God, I am not who I used to be. I would have jumped ship and swam for shore. I am different because of God's place in my boat.

I don't need answers, I just need Jesus. He is my captain, and He's right beside me every second.

God is Good, All the time.



.

Use your Power for Good, GaLaura..

I couldn't sleep at all last night.  I was wandering the halls, so entrenched in worry that I could hardly breathe.  I kept praying and praying and praying for peace.  And then it hit me.  I was going at this deal all wrong.  When I focus on ME, it's too intense, it's too overwhelming.  It's all about ME, and I'm too imperfect.   So, I started praying for others.  I prayed for my mom and her toes, and her slight fender bender from yesterday.  I prayed for my bubba, and his continued success at work.  I prayed for Brad  (I pray for people in age order), that he get the deer of all deer this weekend, and that he makes it home safe and sound from his hunting expedition.  I prayed for Lacey, that she roars through statistics like the lion she is and kicks it all in the face with her typical incredibleness.  I prayed for Kip, that she relax about what God has in store for her and just not worry about graduation next May, and enjoy each day as we ride it out.  I prayed for Hallie and that she comes to terms with all the changes happening in our lives, and that she find the strength to deal with what's ahead for us.  And as I prayed all these things, all MY concerns faded into nothingness.

And I slept.

Upon waking up, everything changed in an instant.  Something I had been battling was lifted and I could breathe again.  I have lost so much weight that I fit into pants I wore 4 years ago, and what should I find in the pocket of those jeans???  $46.   Because God is with me every second, and He is asking me to trust Him in a way I have never let myself trust before, and I can do this.  I can trust Him, with all my heart, and all my strength and all my soul, and He will never leave me.   Even when I have no hair, or lose so much weight I have no more booty to sit on.  He is with me.  Every second.  Every breath.  Every sorrow.  Every victory.  He Is There.

God is Good, all the time.

Good and Bad....

I have been so overwhelmed with bad things happening lately. Bad people, bad news, bad overwhelming the good in every aspect of my life. Lacey was gone this weekend, and I missed her with an intensity I haven't felt since she was a little girl. I want everyone in a tight cocoon of safety right now. Kip graduating this May, uncertain of where she is going to be, so much change in the future. We were all so secure in our safe little haven of the world in our "Compound". Laynie, the center of it, keeping us all grounded, entrenched in hope. Then suddenly, she's gone. Just in an instant.... hearts broken. Life interrupted. Hope dimmed. I stare at her little tiny temporary marker at the cemetery and can't find the words to describe the intense pain I feel with her gone.

We are all so strong, until we aren't. Jessi found a picture on a CD and sent it to Lacey this morning. As happy as I was to see a new picture of Laynie, my heart broke in two. I surround myself with pictures of her. I urge people to have blood drives to keep her memory alive. I want to plan 5K's and have a blood drive a month. I want to talk to churches and ladies groups and student groups, and everyone all over the world about a life that was so amazing, that sometimes I can't believe it really happened.

As I am walking back through the journey and reading her blogs I wrote as we were going, I am amazed. How we yo-yo'd back and forth with good and bad, and have the hindsight now to see God's hand in it all. So much stuff is happening very quickly in my world, and I know that God has my best interests at heart, and He has great things in store for me. The pain of losing Laynie is very real, and ever-present, but the gift of Hope and knowledge that I will someday be with her and never have to leave her again, keeps me moving through the day.

People, don't get lost in your "Bad". Life is a rail road track of good and bad...running parallel on the ground with each other, one not out weighing the other, none longer than the other, just consistent ....good and bad. I could be mired in the bad right now. But, instead, I meet people at blood drives that make me realize that Laynie's life meant something to them. I see people at garage sales that have read her story and are blown away that I am "Lolly". I realize more and more everyday that her life was so purpose filled, and my life, now, is to make sure everyone continues to be blessed by all the lessons she taught us.

The biggest being...Never, Never, Never, Never give up Hope.... no matter in the worst of times, or the best... Hope never fails.

God is so good, all the time.

                                                      Lolly loves you, Layniebug, and misses
                                                                 you every second.  xoxo

Big Ideas, Tiny Baby

I've decided that until I quit crying in the shower over Laynie, I shouldn't date. Dating is exhausting. I am too old, too tired, too impatient, to HOPE that a guy sees my true potential through a really short haircut, and a huge dose of self-angst. Plus, I am so into my relationship with God right now, that dating is a distraction. I am really enjoying my one on one time with God. He is leading me in a totally complete direction. And I don't mean being a lesbian. I mean, Being so busy on a BIG scale with Laynie's memory. I want to lead blood drives, I want to raise awareness of not only the importance of being a blood donor, but an organ donor as well. I want to meet with people that head up BIG events and start some BIG EVENTS. I don't want to go out of this life with nary a bang. I want everyone and everybody to have known about Laynie. And that begins and ends with me.

There is still so much to be done. So much to say, so many lives to minister to. I'm a LOLLYZILLA gone wild. With a purpose. Someone told me the other day (not on this subject, but on a work matter) "You're not thinking BIG enough, you're still minimizing your potential. THINK BIG" Which got me to thinking BIG.... We need blood drives SOMEWHERE every single month. Whether we do it on our own, or we team with an EXISTING blood drive, we need Laynie fans hitting the streets all over the state of Oklahoma. Blood drives EVERY MONTH. We are going to plan a 5K for the spring, and it's going to be huge, going to team with Children's Miracle Network and have a GIANT one.... because Laynie fans WANT to be a part of her story, and though she may not be here with us, HER MEMORY and OUR LOVE FOR HER, will never dim... nor fade, because a LOLLYZILLA is born and awareness has to HAPPEN. And don't think that YOU alone can't make a difference... You have friends, and they have friends, and TOGETHER, WE CAN and WILL make a difference. We will be a nation of LAYNIEZILLAs. With the sole purpose of making a difference.



I got ants in my pants. And it's for making a difference, and as my friends, I ask you to search your life. Are you happy? Do you comfort yourself by buying more shoes? I tried that and all it did was create havoc in my closet. Grab this passion to do more with me, and let's make a difference together. Become an organ donor when you renew your drivers license. Talk over your decisions with your family, so they know what to do in case of a catastrophic event. Don't be scared to talk about it .... talking about it doesn't make it so... then donate blood. Be brave, and donate. If you aren't able to donate due to medical reasons, then help me plan blood drives. I am thinking BIG and OVER THE TOP. and it's all because a lil tiny baby made me know I could do anything.... and will. But most importantly, love God. Love Him with all of your heart, your might, your strength, and He will see you through anything life throws at you.

God is Good, all the time....