July 10, 2010

Laynie got her angel wings today and she is perfect in every way.  She is running and running and running, straight into our heavenly Father's arms. 

God is good, all the time.

Love and Peace that Passeth Understanding - July 9, 2010

As we sit around, talking quietly as not to disturb our slumbering angel tonight, we laughed and cried over so many things. Lacey pulled out ALL her photo albums, and we walked and talked down memory lane.


What a joyous, love filled, faith filled, happy, fun journey we have had. And that Laynie, marching right along with her family, never knowing her life was anything but the best in the world... and it was.

Friends, I don't have words for you. For once, I am speechless from your generosity, your precious kind words, your faithfulness in your watch over our baby with us, and your sharing our story with all your friends, so that Laynie's life will have made an impact on everyone.

We finally enlisted hospice tonight, and we have the sweetest nurse, Alicia, here to guide us through our final hours. Lacey & Brad have sent the old gals home, so I have a few moments of rest to pause and reflect on what I am certain are our final hours.

How much joy did we ever dream we would have when we first were given that diagnosis?? How many lives did we ever dream she would impact?? How much love did we ever dream would grow and grow and grow?? How much faith did we think we could ever have?? Laynie taught all of us that. She was God's angel on earth, sent from heaven to teach us grace, faith and acceptance.

Her journey is almost to an end on this earth, but she is going to "run and run and run"... (we have quoted that 100 times today, anytime grief threatened to overwhelm).... We've all given her permission to take those angels hands and just fly away to Jesus' arms, but she is a fighter, our little bug. She LOVES us, and is fighting to stay. That girl lived until we figuired out she had a 1.8 hemoglobin back in November, so Lolly knows the fight she has in her, and the will.

She's been very light and sound sensitive today, as your body dehydrates, your senses heighten, and she didn't want anyone touching her much or being loud around her. So imagine my surprise, heartbreak and joy, when she reached out and grabbed my hand and placed it on her head, and put her little precious hand on mine and held it there "Hold me, Lolly, hold my head so it doesn't hurt." Her life changed mine. Her life was a precious gift. My Aunt Nancy and I sobbed together when she did that. Thank you Jesus for my precious granddaughter.

Friends, thank you for your love... I can't see the screen, cause I'm swimming in tears, but it's ok, cause she is going to run and run and run....straight into Jesus' arms... cause He is our SAVIOR and our FATHER, and HE knows us intimately.

God is good, all the time..... even when your heart is breaking..... Love you... Lolly

Overwhelming Love -- July 7, 2010

To say I "feel the love" is an understatement of huge proportion. The outpouring of well wishes and good thoughts are overwhelming. Though in a way, not at all. I want to say this right, and for the first time on a blog, I am thinking before I am typing. Usually, God just flows through my fingers when I type. I have an idea of what I want to say and I just let it flow. For some reason, today I am pausing.


And I think it's because it's time to pause, and reflect. So many comments from so many people we've talked to, met, emailed, blood-let, laughed, cried and shared with. So many of you we know personally. But so many more of you that we don't. And that's the overwhelming part. When you meet Laynie, you've been changed. She turns you inside out with her purity. Her goodness, her light. One guy walked up to Lacey after church, back in the good old days, when Laynie was well enough to go, and said "I watched your baby, and I saw God's face... God bless you all". and another time, a total stranger walked up to them and handed them a check and said "We are so touched by your baby, and we wanted to give our tithe to you today to help you with any struggles". Little knowing, they had a doctor bill looming over them that they had no way to pay, and that helped them soooo much. I could go on and on about the miraculous journey she has given us. But then there are those of you, that have never met her, and even without the 'personal' touch... you've been forever changed and touched... and that's where it gets so good.

Hallie (my 11 year old for those of you that don't know me) went to work with me one day, and she said "Do you talk to EVERYONE about Laynie???" to my response "Yes, of course I do". And today after the post from Stephanie Holmberg, it got me to thinking about just how many people I did tell about Laynie. Usually armed with pictures, too. Talk about a bridezilla. I'm a LOLLYZILLA. There was NO ONE I didn't talk to. Probably, alot of the people on this page are people that I practically forced on here... "Have you heard her story?? I can give you the 5 minute version but only if you get a Facebook and read her journey. That's the only way you are getting off with the 5 minute version." I'm smiling as I'm typing this, because there are so many of you that experienced that...

And with that said, here comes my point (because you all know I usually get around to one, after I make you laugh and cry at the same time) without Laynie, I would have never been bold. I would have never stepped out on faith and talked daily, usually hourly, about my walk with my Savior. I'm getting post after post about letting God wrap His loving arms around us, and people, we are soo there. We've been there since Oct. 3. And with that strength and wisdom that I have garnered from this walk, I know now that I have been there my whole life, just never understanding the full meaning of my walk with God. Only through a miracle has this occured.

If God had taken her when all the doctors predicted, I would have grown my faith fivefold. I grew it in total faith and belief that Laynie would be born healthy. Then I grew it some more, in faith, that she would go home, and thrive. Then I grew it some more, when we turned her feet, and got her glasses, and started feeding her real bottles. Then I grew it even more, when she started to smile, and show signs of a personality, and that's when the real witnessing began. "Let me tell you about my granddaughter". I like to travel alone, when I sell, because I tell her story many times a day. At one point when I was training my guy in Texas, I got in the car and said "I am sorry you have to hear that ten times a day." to which he replied "It never gets old".

People, God doesn't get old. How people face a loss without God is beyond my comprehension. We aren't even agonizing over her passing, because she will be free. Her earthly body has so many issues, but her heavenly body will be perfect. And that is what gets us through the day. That and our dancing ability. You should see us dance. We are almost amazing. Laynie thinks so, so that is enough for me. We two step, boogie, electric slide, macarena and cha cha slide. She loves it, and so do I. Ellen ain't got nothing on me and my baby, and our moves.

Please look at your walk with God. Make sure you know Him, and seek Him in everything. That was Laynie's purpose here, to make sure you know your walk with God. I know my walk, and usually everyone in my path knows my walk. Because Laynie made me Bold. Laynie made me Lollyzilla, on fire for her baby, and for the God that made it all possible.

God is good, all the time.

Precious Time is Fleeting .. July 3, 2010

I think Memorial Day was spent in the hospital getting blood and platelets, if I remember correctly. Seems like that is going to be our 4th of July as well.


After my PRAISE note on Wednesday night, Thursday morning, Laynie threw up blood and mucus as they wheeled her into the transfusion room in her stroller... then shortly after she passed a poop ball the size of a baseball (and you that know her know that is WAY too big for our little girl) that was full of blood. She has a lot of new bruising, bruises that we haven't seen up to this point, and we are just full of questions.

She has had severe diarhea (i have never learned to spell that word, since I can't stand the stuff) since she passed that baseball. Plus, she has stopped eating, as she is so nauseous. She will take pedialyte and sweet tea through a straw, but that is it for nourishment. Plus, her gums have gone into overdrive, because I think all the transfused platelets she had this week went straight to her GI tract to help her bleeding there, and now her gums are suffering.

So, we've made calls to see if we can be a direct admit and go get some platelets. and blood. and buy more time. Because we are buying time now, friends. Precious time that we spend with tears in our eyes.

I feel blessed and pain all in one big ball of sadness. When I ask for prayers of Peace, that is exactly what I am asking for. Peace for all of us.

I am supposed to go to London on Friday. We will see how the baby responds to the transfusion to see what that plan is going to look like. Prayers for peace.

I will keep you updated, thanks so much ... I know the supernatural calm that is enveloping all of us, is from our warriors prayers.

God is Good, All the time.

Kipster as she turns 22 --- 6-29-10

The baby I was pregnant with in my second pregnancy ended up NOT being the baby I actually had. I was pregnant with a BOY, and I ended up giving birth to a GIRL. So Kip kinda showed up at the hospital. I always say I birthed two babies during that time, as I passed a kidney stone when I was 5 months pregnant with her, simultaneously having the flu full out as well. So, my story with Kristen is a little more jaded than with Lacey, almost 4 years to the day earlier. Kip was born right on her birthday. She was due the 29th and by golly, she wasn't going to be early, or late. Boom, there she was.


Roxann Grinnell Patterson was my nurse for her birth. You'd think having a long time childhood friend at your side when you aren't at your 100% best and showing everything your mama gave you would be a little overwhelming to some. Not me. Not to mention the ENTIRE nursing student body was there that day and all came and stood at the end of the bed where let's just say, ahem, the view wasn't all that delightful. After having the whole "Natural" birth for Lacey, I decided to throw caution to the wind and get as medicated as possible for the 2nd delivery. Every pain I'd ask Roxann "Can I have an epidural yet?" and every time she'd answer "In a minute". This went on for what I think is hours, but in reality, I walked in the hospital at 5 am, and delivered that baby at 11:50 am. I told those people I had a noon hair appointment and couldn't dilly dally. Plus another thing I remember is my overwhelming need for a Pepsi. Not a DP, which was my addiction, but a Pepsi. I longed, lusted and reflected on Pepsi the entire time. When my doctor FINALLY got there, and I was yelling "Get my epidural", she brightly looked at me and informed me "You can PUSH!" to which I replied "I want an epidural first" and Roxann patted me and said "Nope, you're having this baby".... augh. Pushed that watermelon out (ANOTHER baby without any meds) to my "Let's see my boy".....Not One Word was Said. Roxann finally choked out "Laura??? It's a girl" I'm like "REALLY? What happened to his yanger?" and Austin was here. Except now, she didn't look like an Austin or a Tanner, or a Craig. NOne of those lovely boy names fit our girl. So Lacey, thankfully always the adult took matters into her own hands. "Let's call her flower head." We considered it for a few minutes, and threw that one out. "Ok, then, mom, let's call her Kristen Janae." This from the newly birthday'd 4 year old. And Kristen Janae she was.

To say she was a happy baby would be a stretch. She was happy in spurts, usually when her daddy was playing Bon Jovi at top volume on the stereo and bouncing her like crazy to keep her moving. She could take a 6 oz bottle and throw up 8. That was always a mystery to me. And I just gave up after about the 2nd week, of ever thinking I'd wear a clean shirt. And she LOVED her pacifier. LOVED IT. Any videos you see of Kristen in her first 4 months, she's either 1) in the swing 2) being bounced by her sister or 3) sitting with that giant pacifier in her mouth. Very little variation.

She never needed to speak, since she had Lacey as her big sister. Lacey just handled everything for her. She walked very early, and I think it was to be able to find the pacifiers we didn't have on hand. She seriously had one in her mouth and two backups in each hand. At all times. At 3 years old, we envisioned her going to kindergarten with her pacifiers, and in keeping with good parenting, we did want every good parent worth their salt does.... We bribed her. She wanted a scooter so bad it was ridiculous. So, only "Big girls" got scooters, and big girls didn't take pacifiers. Boy, that was a sad day. More for me than her. She threw those pacifiers out and off she went. About a year later, I found her in her room, kind of hiding in her closet, and she had found a contraband pacifier in her toybox, and she was tentatively sucking it, and checking over her shoulder. Oh my gosh, how much more could you love that little girl??

My friend, Leann, babysat Kristen those early days, and her son Kris, is just a month older. They were learning to talk and Kris called her "Kippen". So that is how the name "Kip" was derived. She is Kippy, Kipster, Kip, Kippinator, Kipsy, Kipper, and Kipster Queen you know what I mean. In Pom there was another Kristen, so she went to Kip in middle school and never looked back.

Kippy is the most loyal, honest, above board friend you will ever meet. I have watched her walk through some big stuff in her young life, and work it out. She is so uber talented, it is awe-inspiring. SHe can draw, take pictures, build furniture, create buildings, and beat the socks off of me at cards, without even blinking an eye.

She also cannot be spoken to before she has had a bowl of cereal in the morning or someone is losing an eye. If you know Kip, you know what I am talking about. When we shop, if she is hungry, you better find food, if she is thirsty, you better find drink. You'd think she is high maintenance to hear me talk about her, but she's really not. SHe's just "Kip". She has an uncanny ability to push any negative things right out of the way. In "Kip Land" it is skittles and sunshine, and "Kip Land" is where I want to be. She is so in love with her niece. She was one of the very first people to the hospital after we found about Laynie, and after hearing all the drama of the day, declared "Well, Lacey, God handpicked you for Laynie, He couldn't have picked a better mom".

She loves Falls Creek, Choctaw Baptist Church, Lifechurch, Journey Church and cherry limeades with extra cherries. She loves angel food cake, microwave potates, and my meat loaf. She is tan year round, and is the one that the guys watch walk by. And is totally oblivious to it. I like to walk behind her in a mall, because there isn't ONE male that doesn't do a double take. I like to watch the whiplash ensue. :)

I have enjoyed every second of the 22 years that I have had with my son that turned into a beautiful girl. She is everything I ever dreamed of, and so much more. My little Kipster. All growed up.

In front of the London bridge showing her 22 year old signs

Lacey June 20, 2010

Grammie, PawPaw and Uncle Bubba cking Lacey Out

Lacey was born 6 days late. That is very out of character for my firstborn. She is always on time, in place and doesn't appreciate any one else's lateness either. June 20, 1984, the day before father's day. So instead of flag day being" labor" day that year, it was fathers day that became "labor" day.


I was 23 when I had Lacey. I was a child that thought I knew it all. I had been married 3 years and the ole "Baby ticker" was full out throttle. Her pregnancy was a breeze, since I am so tall, I am basically a "king size bed" for babies. No drama during the 9 months, just happy anticipation. Didn't know what we were going to have either...didn't have the luxury of ultrasounds back then. I do remember the day I had her though. If I had known that THIS WAS THE DAY, I would have rested a minute. I had gone to my mom and dad's in Shawnee (lived in Norman, with Hubs going to OU)for the day to get a haircut. I walked up and down Main street about 20 times, (Back when Shawnee still had a Main Street) went by and visited my uncle and aunt, and washed my car in maternity shorts and a halter top (Now that was a SIGHT), actually on my knees scrubbing my spoke wheels with a brush. Dad got home at 5:25 (like always) and I was sitting in the front room starting to hurt and when I told him, he immediately got diarheaa. Sympathy pains full out. My dad's older sister, Aunt Jenny and Uncle George came over to see me, and I called Carl (at work in Norman) and put him on full alert. I think we all met at the hospital around 10ish (Carl's parents and sister, and my parents and brother) and I walked the halls, determined not to hook up to that IV. OK, remember these were the days of "NATURAL CHILDBIRTH" "WHAT IS BEST FOR YOUR BABY" "PAIN IS GOOD"... so I am walking the halls and stopping on the rails and panting through the contractions. Well, my poor daddy just had to go to the bathroom EVERY time I had a contraction, so we sent him home. Too much for him. (Side note here, MAN i miss my daddy today... Happy Fathers Day, sweet dad)... So about 1 am, they put me in a bed and my pains totally stop. Crap. Really? So we all doze about 20 minutes, and then Lacey decides it is time for "Let's do the dang thang", and it's game on. Little girl rolls over on her cord and shuts her oxygen supply off, so I am on my side breathing oxygen and panting my way through the pains, when my doctor says "If she's not here in 10 minutes we are doing a c-section, I won't risk this baby". Lacey heard her, and in keeping with her M.O. of perfection, she rolled off her cord and all was well... Everyone that has had a baby knows that ALL SENSE OF MODESTY flees when you are in the midst of transistion. All Modesty flees. At some point I think I would have invited the garbage man in if he had had someway to relieve some of that pain. Oh, and back then, there was no giving birth in the same room. Oh, NOOOOOOO. About the time you feel like you are FINALLY going to poop the watermelon that has been tormenting you for HOURS, they wheel you out of your room to the delivery room. Well, my mom has called my poor dad back out, since they knew it was soon, and as they are moving me to the delivery room, there they all are standing at the end of the hall waving, and all I can say is "OH MY GOSH I NEED TO PUSH" and my dad, "Well, I didn't need to see that" and back to the bathroom he goes.

5:10 am, 8 pounds 4 1/2 oz of pure perfection. 20 1/4 inches long.... a girl. Lacey DeeAnn (named for her grandmas Dee, my mom and Ann, Carl's) Best baby on the planet. She was a grown up even at birth. I kid and say when I showed her her room for the first time, she said "Could you move the crib against that wall, and move the rocking chair? This room has no Feng Shei?".

She knew we were clueless about raising another person, so she helped us as much as she could. At 3 years old, we were trying to buy our first house, and she LOVED the whole idea. We were eating dinner one night and she looked at us from her high chair (cause she was a short little rascal) and said "Let's talk about house payments". We all still quote that one. Then after pumping her up about school and how much fun kindergarten was going to be, and that she would be going to school, we walked her into the building and she looked up to me and said "So, which room do I teach in?"

That was our life with Lacey. Organized, efficient, SMART, the biggest worrier ever on the planet. Fast forward to HS and college... Worked a full time job, went to school and managed to bag a good man. All the time making straight A's. When she made a B it was like she had failed. Always a superachiever that made her goals. Always. SHe had always thought she wanted to be an accountant and was going to college to do that.. about 2 1/2 years in, she calls me and say "Mom, I don't know why but I just have to change to Child Development. It's really something I want to do". I'm thinking babysitter?? really? but she has always had a nose for what is best for her, so on she goes. Child Development. Little did we know how important that move was going to be in a couple of years.

Then 3 years ago, on her birthday, she hands me a present. I pull it our and it's a picture of her and Brad holding a pg stick and it's positive... Even that was perfect. We get to march almost 4 months into the pregnancy competely oblivious to anything ever being wrong. We find out it's a girl, and at the family party to unveil they pull out camo pants (everyone screaming It's a boy) and when they turn it around there are ruffles on the butt (IT"S A GIRL) and my heart is singing.

I go to the next ultrasound with them, and that's when we discover our journey is going to be so different that the journey I had with Lacey. October 3, 2007. Lacey was 23 years old. The choices handed to her, the decisions she had to make, nothing I ever had to deal with or accept at her age. And as everything else in her life to date, she accepted the challenge and rose to it with boldness.

Laynie up to that day was Laynie DeeAnn, and on the next day, as we sat in a circle at a round table at Children's Hospital, waiting for Lacey to go back for her MRI on Laynie's brain, we changed her name to Laynie Hope. Because we all had Hope. Unstoppable Hope. Unmoveable Hope. Still so naive in our walk, not having any idea of the enormity of life ahead.

On this day, 26 years after the birth of my precious eldest daughter, I have Unstoppable Hope. Every step in life is a LINK in your journey. Every decision marks your life the rest of your days. What luck I gave birth to one of my best friends. She is still teaching me things every day. And how fortunate my granddaughter is, to have her as her mother.

God is Good, all the time.

Why Meat?? June 2, 2009

This is what I think about while I am out working.... And all because I called Laynie a "Little ham" to someone talking about how she wrestled her glasses in the interview.

Ok, here's what I am thinkin....
Why do we call funny people "Hams"? Hams aren't funny. I've walked by the pork section many times in the store and nary broke a smile. Now, broccoli, that's funny. Even fun to say and spell. Why don't people say "She's such a little broccoli?"

Why do we call scared people "Chickens"? Chickens aren't scared. Some chickens will just rush you when you least expect it. I think I may even have had a nightmare about chickens before. So, I think we should call scared people "Mouse". Mice are geared to be scared and scare. We set traps, we even set those sticky things when the traps don't work....which brings me to another stupid thing "Quiet as a mouse"....Uhm, obviously whoever says that, has never caught one of those little suckers in those sticky deals. They are PLENTY loud until they get their little faces caught in the goop. (please don't call PETA on me)

Another weird one.... Clams. Happy as Clams. Now I'm not a judger by any means, but to me, a clam just isn't that dang happy. A clam is alittle like a rock, and that just doesn't scream "HAPPY" to me. I think we should be Happy as Dogs. Dogs are just doggone happy. SEE? except I said Doggone, which what does that mean?? I think if your dog is gone you aren't going to be too happy... so maybe just say I'm pretty stinkin happy as a dog. Anyway, clams...uhm, no.

Then if you have muscles you are "Beefed" up. Hmm. Brings to mind hamburgers hangin out your shirt sleeves. Or worse, roast beef sandwiches hangin out your pockets. What does that Mean?? Beefed? I remember that old lady that used to yell "Where's the Beef"?? Never, ever, did Matthew McConaughy walk by when she said that. I would have remembered that. So a "Beefy male". Just say "Too hot for description" and let it go. And when did HOT become a good thing? Anytime (outside of the tanning bed) have you gotten around something hot, you either a) get seriously burned or b) burn something up of value. So I'm thinking "HOT' may not be the best term to use either. SEE my dilemna as I am driving all over NW OKC today??

So, some Meat person was in charge of our "Slang" language? No wonder more people are speaking Spanish more than ever before. Who can understand what we are saying???

My nail guy doesn't even pretend to understand me anymore. He just starts speaking Vietnamese the minute I walk in the door, and pretends to be deaf. "You want fill" Ok, You sit" and that's about the extent of our conversation. I just confuse him.

I wonder why?

Anyway....useless prattle. What I do best. I think I need a sandwich, all this talk of meat.