I love church. We had a guest speaker... This 31 year old named Pastor Judah Smith, who strides up to the mic and proceeds to knock my proverbial socks off.
I have always lived in Fast Motion. I worry and think about "When this happens, or When that occurs, or When we get to that point", with very little time spent in the "Meantime". That all ended for me 36 months ago. Pastor Judah said that his father was diagnosed with Myeloma and told he would only live 3 years. That was 6 years ago. Some people live in the past "What happened, why this, why that?", some people fast forward to the "highlights" of their future. All we are given, and it took a tiny little miracle to teach it to me, is RIGHT NOW. The "Meantime".
It may not be exciting, or thrilling, or "highlight" worthy, but it's your life. The best day of your life. Even if you have a storm cloud chasing you around.... the beauty of those clouds are... "Storms don't last"... and after storms, usually beautiful clear skies and an occasional rainbow. If you are in a bleak and dark day...STAY THE COURSE.... Stay in the boat. What He started, He will finish. Stay in the boat.
I'm in a storm right now. A personal, overwhelming storm. And I am so insulated by all of it. That is God's mercy constantly shining on me to bring me hope, and lead me to the other side. He is Right In the Boat with Me. Praise God, I am not who I used to be. I would have jumped ship and swam for shore. I am different because of God's place in my boat.
I don't need answers, I just need Jesus. He is my captain, and He's right beside me every second.
God is Good, All the time.
.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Use your Power for Good, GaLaura..
I couldn't sleep at all last night. I was wandering the halls, so entrenched in worry that I could hardly breathe. I kept praying and praying and praying for peace. And then it hit me. I was going at this deal all wrong. When I focus on ME, it's too intense, it's too overwhelming. It's all about ME, and I'm too imperfect. So, I started praying for others. I prayed for my mom and her toes, and her slight fender bender from yesterday. I prayed for my bubba, and his continued success at work. I prayed for Brad (I pray for people in age order), that he get the deer of all deer this weekend, and that he makes it home safe and sound from his hunting expedition. I prayed for Lacey, that she roars through statistics like the lion she is and kicks it all in the face with her typical incredibleness. I prayed for Kip, that she relax about what God has in store for her and just not worry about graduation next May, and enjoy each day as we ride it out. I prayed for Hallie and that she comes to terms with all the changes happening in our lives, and that she find the strength to deal with what's ahead for us. And as I prayed all these things, all MY concerns faded into nothingness.
And I slept.
Upon waking up, everything changed in an instant. Something I had been battling was lifted and I could breathe again. I have lost so much weight that I fit into pants I wore 4 years ago, and what should I find in the pocket of those jeans??? $46. Because God is with me every second, and He is asking me to trust Him in a way I have never let myself trust before, and I can do this. I can trust Him, with all my heart, and all my strength and all my soul, and He will never leave me. Even when I have no hair, or lose so much weight I have no more booty to sit on. He is with me. Every second. Every breath. Every sorrow. Every victory. He Is There.
God is Good, all the time.
And I slept.
Upon waking up, everything changed in an instant. Something I had been battling was lifted and I could breathe again. I have lost so much weight that I fit into pants I wore 4 years ago, and what should I find in the pocket of those jeans??? $46. Because God is with me every second, and He is asking me to trust Him in a way I have never let myself trust before, and I can do this. I can trust Him, with all my heart, and all my strength and all my soul, and He will never leave me. Even when I have no hair, or lose so much weight I have no more booty to sit on. He is with me. Every second. Every breath. Every sorrow. Every victory. He Is There.
God is Good, all the time.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Good and Bad....
I have been so overwhelmed with bad things happening lately. Bad people, bad news, bad overwhelming the good in every aspect of my life. Lacey was gone this weekend, and I missed her with an intensity I haven't felt since she was a little girl. I want everyone in a tight cocoon of safety right now. Kip graduating this May, uncertain of where she is going to be, so much change in the future. We were all so secure in our safe little haven of the world in our "Compound". Laynie, the center of it, keeping us all grounded, entrenched in hope. Then suddenly, she's gone. Just in an instant.... hearts broken. Life interrupted. Hope dimmed. I stare at her little tiny temporary marker at the cemetery and can't find the words to describe the intense pain I feel with her gone.
We are all so strong, until we aren't. Jessi found a picture on a CD and sent it to Lacey this morning. As happy as I was to see a new picture of Laynie, my heart broke in two. I surround myself with pictures of her. I urge people to have blood drives to keep her memory alive. I want to plan 5K's and have a blood drive a month. I want to talk to churches and ladies groups and student groups, and everyone all over the world about a life that was so amazing, that sometimes I can't believe it really happened.
As I am walking back through the journey and reading her blogs I wrote as we were going, I am amazed. How we yo-yo'd back and forth with good and bad, and have the hindsight now to see God's hand in it all. So much stuff is happening very quickly in my world, and I know that God has my best interests at heart, and He has great things in store for me. The pain of losing Laynie is very real, and ever-present, but the gift of Hope and knowledge that I will someday be with her and never have to leave her again, keeps me moving through the day.
People, don't get lost in your "Bad". Life is a rail road track of good and bad...running parallel on the ground with each other, one not out weighing the other, none longer than the other, just consistent ....good and bad. I could be mired in the bad right now. But, instead, I meet people at blood drives that make me realize that Laynie's life meant something to them. I see people at garage sales that have read her story and are blown away that I am "Lolly". I realize more and more everyday that her life was so purpose filled, and my life, now, is to make sure everyone continues to be blessed by all the lessons she taught us.
The biggest being...Never, Never, Never, Never give up Hope.... no matter in the worst of times, or the best... Hope never fails.
God is so good, all the time.
Lolly loves you, Layniebug, and misses
you every second. xoxo
We are all so strong, until we aren't. Jessi found a picture on a CD and sent it to Lacey this morning. As happy as I was to see a new picture of Laynie, my heart broke in two. I surround myself with pictures of her. I urge people to have blood drives to keep her memory alive. I want to plan 5K's and have a blood drive a month. I want to talk to churches and ladies groups and student groups, and everyone all over the world about a life that was so amazing, that sometimes I can't believe it really happened.
As I am walking back through the journey and reading her blogs I wrote as we were going, I am amazed. How we yo-yo'd back and forth with good and bad, and have the hindsight now to see God's hand in it all. So much stuff is happening very quickly in my world, and I know that God has my best interests at heart, and He has great things in store for me. The pain of losing Laynie is very real, and ever-present, but the gift of Hope and knowledge that I will someday be with her and never have to leave her again, keeps me moving through the day.
People, don't get lost in your "Bad". Life is a rail road track of good and bad...running parallel on the ground with each other, one not out weighing the other, none longer than the other, just consistent ....good and bad. I could be mired in the bad right now. But, instead, I meet people at blood drives that make me realize that Laynie's life meant something to them. I see people at garage sales that have read her story and are blown away that I am "Lolly". I realize more and more everyday that her life was so purpose filled, and my life, now, is to make sure everyone continues to be blessed by all the lessons she taught us.
The biggest being...Never, Never, Never, Never give up Hope.... no matter in the worst of times, or the best... Hope never fails.
God is so good, all the time.
you every second. xoxo
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