I didn't know there would be such an intense void in my heart of pain. I didn't realize you could miss a person so acutely. I found her plastic slinky by my computer and just lost it. Lacey found her tiny fingernail clippers and did the same thing. We are amazingly strong, until we aren't.
The difference of our walk is we KNEW this was the outcome. Lacey will tell you "We signed up for this". All the mommys and daddys with babies of their own, are just devastated beyond words because they see their children and can't imagine the loss. Every day with Laynie, we imagined the loss. We knew we were granted another day. That's why it is beyond amazing that we were given 30 months.
And we finally got the final puzzle piece today. I still have to talk about her, nonstop. So if you see me, talk to me about Laynie. I need to talk about Laynie. I will forever talk about Laynie. But we realized that if she had gotten to run in November, when she SHOULD by all REASONING have run, with a 1.8 hemoglobin.... I would have never told her story to more than our close friends. God was waiting for us to share her with everyone. She hadn't made an impact. She hadn't gotten to tell HER STORY. Her miraculous story of faith, of hope, of unending love, and of mercy.
Like I said, her life was perfectly scripted, and we were granted enough time to figure it all out. I grew an unbelievable, unshakeable faith during this walk, that I did not have. Lacey & Brad have turned into Christian giants, because of a baby that should have never made it past the first weekend. And sharing her story, we have turned others into giants...and that all from a lil baby girl that never said a word, except mama. and baba. I always insisted that she said Lolly, everybody told me she probably didn't, but in my world, she did.
Christian giants. That's what a lil bitty baby did. Turned a bunch of sinners into Christian giants. And that is the final piece of the puzzle. Her life was a miracle and given to us to change us, and make us realize that life is just a blink, and the best is yet to come.
Thank you, Laynie Hope, and thank you God, for giving her to us, and allowing us time to figure it all out.
God is Good, all the time.
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