Lolly’s Reflections and Laynie’s Progress
After being gone on vacation for the last few days and having a few minutes to catch my breath and reflect on the last 9 weeks, I am happy to blog to you about the things I’ve come up with to date. First of all, how lucky am I? and how blessed am I to have all of you to share it with!!
First, I want to update you on Miss Laynie. At her orthopedic visit this past week, she weighed in at 4 lbs, 6 oz (that’s up 2 oz, people!) her left hip is completely fixed (!!!! yeah for harnesses) and the doctor feels the right hip feels good, but still is alittle off.... but it WORKED! He’s going to leave her in her casts for a little longer than a week at a time, since she isn’t breaking any land speed records growing...so, she will remain in her casts for 13 days.... This week what was very apparant, was the fact that she moved her feet correctly just as much as she moved them backwards. That baby is going to be MULTI talented, I am telling you. The casts will be on her for many months, though.... Plus, her pediatrician has added 1/2 tsp of formula in every 1 ounce of breast milk, and our little smidge just loves it. Takes the whole ounce, burps like a truck driver and sleeps wonderful! What a blessing for her mommy! She sees the opthomologist on Thursday to see what is going on with her left eye. Hopefully it will be like everything else, and just need a "tune-up", kinda looks cloudy, like a cataract, keep praying that the cure will be easy and non-invasive.
I sent Laynie’s easter bunny picture to the Genetic Head at Children’s and he replied back with "WONDERFUL!..... Resurrection Kid." yes, she is. But, those of you reading and those of you continuing praying... we know "God is GOod." Here’s my thinking over the last 3 stress free, laying and relaxing days.... Always in my past life (I have two lives now, prior to October 3 and after, that day will be forever locked in my memory) I totally took for granted good health. I had 3 healthy babies, all my friends had healthy babies (except one, which I remained blissfully ignorant of her pain until now) Healthy babies everywhere. And when I saw a child with disabilities or a "different" child, I was always a little bit "put off" (I’m trying to be honest here) .. WOW... what did that mom do during pregnancy to cause that? or How could they COPE with that? or even as far as not making eye contact... because what in the world to you ever SAY to someone with a child with obvious disabilities??? This coming from me, who can talk to a mailman or a 99 year old deaf man, or a 3 year old hitting his sister, ANYONE I can talk to.... but put me up with someone that has a disability....rendered speechless. I’ve always said ever since I had Hallie at 37 years old, that God has an AMAZING sense of humor. He knew in his infinite wisdom that all I needed to round out my personality was to have a grandchild with disabilities.
When I found out Lacey was pregnant, and then found out we were having a GIRL, I was at Dollar Tree and found some of the cutest tea party clothes ever. I purchased 2 sets, one for Payten (Greg’s grandbaby and in my heart, mine too) and one for our highly anticipated arrival. 2 precious little high heeled shoes, complete with foo foo skirts, wands and of course, the much needed tiaras. What are princesses without tiaras? After our October 3rd finding, and all the turmoil that ensued those few weeks after, I had forgotten about my purchase. Right after Thanksgiving, probably in one of my darkest days.... I found that sack of tea party regalia, and I sat in the middle of the floor in my closet and just cried and grieved for the precious times I thought we’d be missing, and all the incredible bonding of the first grandbaby/grandma that I would never get to experience with our little baby. That one time. I cried until I thought I could never cry again. Almost made myself sick with the crying, then a voice inside of my heart said "She is fearfully and wonderfully made..... I had her plan before you ever knew she was in existence." and I never cried again... I blogged and I prayed and I believed and I never ever stopped hoping.... until the hospital when the doctors shook our faith, and Lacey and I grieved, holding a tiny little bonnet made of a handkerchief, with her name embroidered on the side, for her to wear home, and carry on her wedding day. That was a hard day. Then we took her home, and she showed us how never to give up, never to stop believing, and gave us the incredible gift of living in the moment. In my whole life I have always been consumed with "When I graduate..." or "When I get this far in my job".... or "When they walk..." or "When they graduate"....... never, EVER "What can I do today that will make a difference for me?" Holland teaches you to slow down, and to appreciate ... well..... LIFE. I saw some special kids on vacation and they were having such a great time. Their parents were all hands on deck and they were having quite the fun. 2 years ago, I wouldn’t have spent 10 seconds thinking about things like "I hope they don’t have heart conditions" or "I wonder what type of trisomy they have". I would have smiled absently and walked on by. God changed my heart. God has changed everyone that reads my blogs hearts. I know that. I think all of us have a better understanding of "Special Gifts" and "God’s Blessing and Miracles". Laynie will have a circle of love and friendship that will sustain her for many years.... but I also know that she will face ignorance, and ugliness, and for that I would protect her with my life. I, myself, was ignorant and never blantantly ugly, but I was apathetic, more out of fear than maliciousness. No more. Every person and every child is a gift from God. And some gifts are more special than others.... and praise GOD I finally know and believe and understand --
God is Good.... All the time.
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