March 1, 2008

March 1, 2008
I can't believe it's March 1. Wasn't it just Christmas? Wasn't Laynie just born? Now our gift is 6 weeks old. 6 weeks. She continues to amaze.
I had typed a long long blog this morning and somehow managed to erase it before I got it posted. As I was typing it, Lacey called and talked to me, and once again, I was amazed by God's power. What I was typing about, was exactly what was on her heart this morning. We are so blessed. So completely amazingly blessed. My mom spent the night with Lacey last night so she could rest, and Lacey couldn't hardly wait to get in there to see Laynie this morning, and when mom handed her off, and Lacey said "Good morning peaches", Laynie's smile lit up the room. She smiled and smiled and smiled. Coo'd, and turned her head and smiled some more. as if to say "I love ole Grammie Great, but YOUR my favorite, momma". I know what they say about her brain, and the fact that they don't know what her future holds as far as cognitive and developmental learning.... but a baby that smiles and responds and squeaks and talks at 6 weeks old??? That's pretty darn amazing. She holds her head up in the turtle position, and can roll back and forth just great. To me, that is just amazing. She has NO IDEA she weighs 4 pounds (almost). And we are going to keep on keeping on, loving her strong and keeping the faith.
Lacey made a conscious decision on October 3. Now she'll tell you, "I didn't know the enormity of my decision", but she doesn't rail against the injustice of it. She doesn't ask "Oh God, why me?", she looks at Laynie and says "What can I do to glorify God more through her". We believe that our girl will have a special gift, I see all these amazing stories of people with disabilities that are amazing in other areas (see my videos on myspace) and I know that our Laynie will be among those. Her special gift already is the gift of faith. Unwavering Faith that God is Good. She has grown my faith more than I thought possible. Faith was a word about people that went to church. They had faith. Faith was God. What I know about faith now, is the totally undisciplined lack of self, no "self" in a true testament of faith. You are under God's power, when you truly have faith. God directs and leads you, and with HIS purpose foremost in your mind... you walk in Faith. And he hasn't failed us. Not once. We started to doubt God's plan for her in the hospital. We listened to the doctors and the grim outcomes and we lost sight of our faith. It took the Lifechurch team to come to our room and remind us, No one knows God's plan. God has Laynie's plan, and it's perfect and it's complete. And all we are, are his people, to walk through the plan, not self-seeking, but looking to Him for guidance and hope, and keep walking in our complete faith.
I may not be making any sense, and it's frustrating, not being able to put into words the gigantic feelings that I have on this. The purpose of Laynie is perfect. And though through the world's "eyes", our girl will never be perfect.... in those that are touched by her, know her story and her magnificent journey.... she is perfect. She is amazing, and she is His.
You are told all the time by your parents, that you will never understand the love that a grandparent has for a grandchild. You hear it, you listen, you nod.. I just want to tell you, there isn't a feeling I've ever experienced that compares to this love and compassion and faith, that I have with my granddaughter. Coupled with the "Grandma" love that comes naturally, plus the supernatural power of being so close to God right now.. feeling His constant presence in our lives... I wish everyone could have this joy and peace. Peace that passeth understanding. That's having faith in God.
God is Good. All the time.