We won't know til we know...now we know....1-18-08

Good morning friends and family- It's Saturday morning and the sun is shining and Lacey's room is filled with beautiful flowers and smells. Thanks to all of you that sent the beautiful flowers, and those of you who sent snacky foods....uhm, you know ME well. I have news today. The head of neonatology came to see Lacey yesterday and answered all of her questions. Finally. Laynie is a miracle. Wrap your mind around the fact that out of all the millions of babies born, she is 24. Her pediatrician called her that yesterday. 24. And while in our hope of being able to have her forever, Lacey & I lost sight of the fact that she is indeed, as her Aunt Hallie calls her "Special". Let's start with Smidge's feet. She was pushed in one position due to the fact of the low fluid, if it were just her feet, we'd have zero problems. Her kidneys are very small, and even though she is using them now, they will not sustain her. She is already secreting kreatin or kreaton (whatever kidneys secrete) in her urine, so they are trying, but they are tiny. And her heart, her aortic valve is small. All of these things can be corrected with surgery. Surgery we aren't going to consider, because of what we have found in her sweet tiny head. Where they saw the fluid in the ultrasounds and the MRI, my sweet friends, that is what it is, fluid. Our sweet angel has brain tissue in the front of her brain and fluid in the back, which affects her eyesight. So though I believe with all my heart she can hear me, she can't see me. The neonatologist was precious. She told Lacey she believed that Laynie would indeed go home, and that we could care for her until Jesus calls her home. She won't be in pain, she'll just go to sleep. But we aren't dwelling on that. We are so anticipating taking her home, and giving her a bath to make her feel like the princess she is. Lacey says we are going to "put her in her boppy seat and just stare at her". (I think I'll do more than that. :) This email has been so in spurts for me, the phone rings, visitors come in with food and love, nurses come in and out to check on Lacey, so I haven't been able to type with my usual flow about how much all of this means to me. I'm attaching the story of "Holland" again for those of you who didn't share this with me in the beginning of the journey. I've added so many friends to this list as we've gone, and I've felt your prayers and your love the whole way. Let me tell you about how I feel about Holland. In Holland, you arrive, you THINK you're ready, and then you find you probably still aren't. You learn to rely on friends, and family that love you, and you find out the amazing power of love and how much you can really bear in life. In Holland, little tiny steps are massive incredible victories. 12 cc's = 1 million miles , tiny streams of pee are monumental as beautiful face of mountains. In Holland, you learn to live minute by minute and joy in the fact you are given that minute. There is no planning ahead and thinking about what you are going to be doing tomorrow or the next day.. it's being thankful for the moment you're in and blessed by the next one. I'm certain with all my heart, when our time for Italy is here, we will rejoice and be glad in it, but I know one thing with certain unwavering love and peace, my time in Holland will never be forgotten and I will always cherish the time I was there. God is good, all the time. Holland Welcome to Holland By Emily Pearl Kingsley I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability. When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy . You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make wonderful plans – the Coliseum, the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice . You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. All very exciting. After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later the plan lands. The flight attendant comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland ." " Holland ?" you say. "What do you mean Holland ? I signed up for Italy . All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy ." But there has been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place. So you must go out and buy new guidebooks and you must learn a whole new language. And, you will meet a whole new group of people you would have never met. It's just a different place. It's slower paced than Italy , less flashy than Italy . But after you've been there awhile and you catch your breath, you look around and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills, Holland has tulips, Holland even has Rembrandts. But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say…"Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." But if you spend the rest of your life mourning the fact you didn't get to Italy , you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland